dont you just wanna...

eat this right now


get this (massage i mean)


see this tree live


squeel at this picture


own this wig


own all this

live during this zaman


smash/punch/break this face


travel around like this


be a part of this


hug/calm this guy


came up with this idea


get tattooed by this guy


have this guys brain


get a tatoo like this


live in a world as magical as this


own this range of toy again


draw like this


create this range of master pieces


star in this musical


have eyes/hair like this


take a pic like this with the one u love


ROCK this look


have a casual conversation whith this guy


be featured in this movie/wear all d costumes


see him preform at least once


get tattoed up like her


get this hair cut

do this


play fetch with these creature


wear this shoe


ride this roller coaster


drive this car


go to this college


swim in this pool


laugh at this guy/see this n motion


go here for a holiyday


Rock out with her (PINK)

my family is a box of chicken rice...*smiles*

i was bored so this is what i did...
yes i know that im suppose ta put up stuff that i promised in the last post but im just gonna have to postpone that to a diffrent time...anyway heres wut i did...
not many people know that i have a collection of a very diffrent sort...its not your ussual stamp collecting
i collect the movie tickets that i watch...i dunno if u guys do it but yeah...it started way back when i went out with a bunch of friends n one of them said that he keeps the movie tickets of nice movie that he watch...n he was gonna keep that movie we were watching punya ticket...but for how long i dunno...(and that was my first ticket that i keep-i still got it now )n ever since then i always keep my movie ticket..sure many got lost in the process of transfering them from my wallet to my collection box so what i manage to get was this...and since i was kinda wanting to do this for a long time already, i decided to do it now...so i made a record n this is what i found out..

from the oldest ticket dating back to 2004
1. i have spend a total of RM1461.00 ++ (NOT counting the tickets that got lost) on movies alone..

2.the most cheapest movie =RM5
the most expensive movie = RM18 (i dint know movies can cost that much...its a 3-d movie btw)

3. the oldest ticket is
7 FEB 2004
GOTHIKA
18 pl 7.20p.m
cinema 2 seat N12
sunway TGV

4. the most recent is
16 FEB 2010
Percy Jackson
U 4.00p.m
cinema 10 seat F11
KLCC TGV

gonna keep on collecting them till i turn 99 n there totaly faded that the ticket is practicly crispy!!

thats about it ok im gonna sleep now...nites!!
trees- Keiko Matsui
come home i've been waiting for you
hugs n kisses <333333

all this

just post this to let ppl know that im not dead yet...
yes im indulging in everything chinese new year-ish
n all my ang pow-nes
yay!! didididi...
i think i just might do my next blog of all the things that i love...as in material things...mostly what i surround myself with/whats in my room...
since my new phone has a better (not d best in the world) but good enough for me, camera...i'll be taking pics of random things in my life that holds meaning to me...every individual thing means something to me either at that particular time or even now...sentimental things, simple things that bring me happyness just by looking at them...
purpuse: i moved alot since i was born/ when i could remember...taking residence in many diffrent places a rough total of:-
3 houses
5 apartments
and among this i've lived in 3 difrent countries
move to europe n back to asia 2 times

i've lost many things in the process of moving so much... thats y when now that i get the chance i'll make the next(hopefully) post of all sentimental things for my own save keeping...and im letting who ever reads my blog a little peek as to why i keep little meaningless things...

i dream a dream-(original singer)

the rain is falling hard.
and its getting dark in here.
let us run free.
lets run when the darkness comes.
to where ever the wind blows.
be it the ends of the world.
i dont know what was.
i dont know what will be.
i know only that you are near.
that you are here.
to know all this this is us,
all this is we,
this..is...
ME -denise

smile though your heart is breaking

my heart is aching

so many people im trying to please its just tearing me apart...one pull me this way n another d other way...so upset...my eyes are sore from crying already...im so tired...so tired...trying to please everyone is just bringing myself to pain...all this while im trying so hard to please all the one i love...now i feel so alone...i wanted it so bad to work out...i hate to ask this...but why?...why?

i feel so sad and alone i dunno what to do anymore...i want to talk it over...but it seems i cant talk to anyone...because speaking my point will bring more sadness unto the people i love...n because its the people i love that i trust this whole time to talk to that now i cant talk to anyone any more...but u probably wont get what im trying to say here...its ok...i dont expect u too...the feeling of sadd and lonelyness that im feeling is not possible to express in words...

i want to talk to you...but talking to u will only hurt u n turn our relationship in to a state where we love each other out of pity...n i DONT ever want that...i DONT want people to love me cuz they pity me...so crying is my ONLY option but i have no shoulder to cry on...just a cold lifeless pillow...

i feel so angry...and it bearks me heart even more...why do people still continue to love me? even if i hurt them so bad? wont it just be easier if everybody just give up hope on me?know that im a lost hope n start on? leave this mess i created for myself...beacuse of my selfishness i want everbody to love me...now...i dont have the capasity to love everyone back...n its all just crashing down on me...i wish that i could just stad by n watch my world crash around me rather then be under all the ruble....

i think i'll go to boston,
i think i'll start a new life,
where no one know my name.
boston- augustana
needs hugs n kisses denise

blueper

some people are so touchy...say 1 thing they get pissed off dont say something they also get pissed off...i mean WTH?

n what is wrong with all these amature kids these day...there so annoying it makes me wanna eat a racoons bladder whole...i mean come on la...ur just a bunch of midgets please controll your retard lvl...stay where u should...dont go do sum fucktarded thing on pourpous where you know that someone if bount to take a picture of u n post it on facebook just to show everyone how much of a fucktard you really are...please u just look like a little midget jiggaboo on helium...do allow some capasity for a brain to grow in that full of shit skull that u got there...i just wished that some one was acctually there to see u develope some...probably of all d alcohol consumption u fucked it up yourself...u think u so cool just cuz u down 2345665665312 bottles of beer? i drink alcohol LESS often then you n yet when where at a party u cant hold your alcohol longer than 5 min of consuming it...thats now how u drink alcohol bitch...u suppose to be able to hold it...then call yourself a winner...gosh u never grow up...i hated u i always did, n i dont liked you...i never did...money can only buy you so many friends...and friends can only get you so far...1day youre gonna end up broke n lonely...then u wished you acctually did something that would save you...but till then i'll just watch you burn out...

"fire will always burn itself out, always"

now run along home to mommy...if im youre mommy i'd bitch slap you long ago n ask you to freaking grow a pair since you love it so much...im done with this bullshit

empire state of mine
hugs n kisses <33

in the shady side of youth

overwhelmed all this hectic-ness is finally starting to take a toll on me...early mornings...everyday...no saturday/sundays sleep in for me...n late nights everynite cuz thats the only time i spend with the 1 person who i feel even cares at all for me...im gonna be 20 soon...many people say that i got my whole life laid out infront of me...but i think...really? is having a totaly uncertain future all that nice...well i atleast would like even if its just a little sad pitiful bit of hope...

i feel like a seed in a shady garden with fully grown trees sourrounding me... a seed produce by science using nature...2 completely diffrent world...i grow into a little plant with few leaves...nurtured by a kind lady..a lady called mom...she gave me water...but water alone wont keep me alive so my leaves start to turn brown...once in a while someone will come with an artificial light...n then they would leave and so will my source of light...then only recently came a guy n he notice something...that what im missing is sunlight...so he brought me out under the sun...took care of me...if there were even the slightest sign of weed he'll remove it...he loved me...so my bark became strong,my leaves become greener, but most of all my roots started to grow...but now rainy clouds threaten to blot out the sun...and the only way for me to live would be to cruely uproot me and send me to a different garden...

sweet surrender

so today was my interview day...overall it went pretty well...so im glad...d dragon lady acctualy pretty nice...so the company im gonna go slave for is called "monica quen"...its like an oriental chinese clothes shop + british idia... its much cheong sam...some modern chillax clothes n alot of zen-ness...d place is pretty clam so i thing i'll be calm ish...my working hurs will b sort of bitchy its 10-8 its all d way in damansra heights almost reaching bangsar...its a meidum-ish sort of brand...but since it kinda major in cheong sam d next few weeks will b very hectic...n im joining them on d best time...next mon i start...n straight away d next day (tues) were goin ta pinang ta set up a stall for d chinese new year sales...n after that (i dunno when) is a trip ta melacca ta set up a stall der also...so yeah...lost of work...n they're not waisting ANY time...so here r sum stuff from d shop thats on sale...





n this is how d shop looks like




-to jake the son i never had...i love you
America's Suitehearts- fall out boy
hugs n kisses <333333333

let us run when the darkness fall

so its 3 more days till new year...n im so freaked out...im petrified of the next year...normally i love it when a new year comes...it usually means time for new things...but next year is just gonna b crazee...

1. im starting my internship on 4 jan...
2. i heard that my boss would b pretty strict
3. i hv to stand 3 months of this lady (the boss)
4. my final fashion show is next year...it has to be PERFECT
5. my course finish next year
6. impress italian lecturers with my collection n get a scholarship to italy
7. if no.6 does not turn out then, my visa is only up to next year november...which means either get a job or leave d country.

im so dead
neway so thats d update...im panicking n im gonna go print my resume for my internship...d interviews tmr at 11am by d way...hope i get accepted...

-i need your grip to keep me from falling apart
lass uns laufen- tokio hotel
hugs&kisses <333333

sleep is just a dream

its 3.21am n i cant fall asleep...tmr im goin out early with my darl...which means i NEED to get sum rest but for sum fucked reason i just cant sleep...i dunno wut happen to me but i guess im just being realy paranoid n thinking way to much...so rite now im feeling like a sad, lost, puppy that has been kicked around...

my future? well heres d perfect word to describe it....FUCKED...

yea pretty much considering i had ppl nice enuff to fuck it up for me...

before this i just wanted to bolt out of this demented country every chance i got dreaming big about other country n goin back to germany...living there...but then i met him...my darl...i love him and he makes me happy...many people around me cant seem to c that n i dunno why...right now he is d only one that has enough of my heart to break it...he change my life alot...not that i flipped it 180 just for him, but he make me realize all the little things i never realy used to give damn about...he makes me laugh when i dont even wanna smile...when im down he cheers me up, when im cold he warms me, when im in pain he makes me laugh so hard my pain is gone n my ribs hurt from laughing instead, even if i fall asleep every night n ditch him he still comes over n teman me...

the point is what im thinking of is that after my coll i MUST leave n these is one of the reason why i dont wanna leave...thats why i cant sleep...

-n so it goes...
please tell me what im suppose to do?
hugs n kisses<3

whe blue skys go grey

i feels the urge to bitch slap a certain someone....

btw...its my last day of coll today...so yea im kinda happy...i got d pattern pieces to make a kimono...whoooo and i got it in 1/4 scale...incase u guy dunno what that means, 1/4 scale is the size of barbie....so yeah i can make kimono for barbie...anyone wanna derma me 1 barbie doll? just so i can try out my next collection?


hugsnkisses <3333