smile though your heart is breaking

my heart is aching

so many people im trying to please its just tearing me apart...one pull me this way n another d other way...so upset...my eyes are sore from crying already...im so tired...so tired...trying to please everyone is just bringing myself to pain...all this while im trying so hard to please all the one i love...now i feel so alone...i wanted it so bad to work out...i hate to ask this...but why?...why?

i feel so sad and alone i dunno what to do anymore...i want to talk it over...but it seems i cant talk to anyone...because speaking my point will bring more sadness unto the people i love...n because its the people i love that i trust this whole time to talk to that now i cant talk to anyone any more...but u probably wont get what im trying to say here...its ok...i dont expect u too...the feeling of sadd and lonelyness that im feeling is not possible to express in words...

i want to talk to you...but talking to u will only hurt u n turn our relationship in to a state where we love each other out of pity...n i DONT ever want that...i DONT want people to love me cuz they pity me...so crying is my ONLY option but i have no shoulder to cry on...just a cold lifeless pillow...

i feel so angry...and it bearks me heart even more...why do people still continue to love me? even if i hurt them so bad? wont it just be easier if everybody just give up hope on me?know that im a lost hope n start on? leave this mess i created for myself...beacuse of my selfishness i want everbody to love me...now...i dont have the capasity to love everyone back...n its all just crashing down on me...i wish that i could just stad by n watch my world crash around me rather then be under all the ruble....

i think i'll go to boston,
i think i'll start a new life,
where no one know my name.
boston- augustana
needs hugs n kisses denise

blueper

some people are so touchy...say 1 thing they get pissed off dont say something they also get pissed off...i mean WTH?

n what is wrong with all these amature kids these day...there so annoying it makes me wanna eat a racoons bladder whole...i mean come on la...ur just a bunch of midgets please controll your retard lvl...stay where u should...dont go do sum fucktarded thing on pourpous where you know that someone if bount to take a picture of u n post it on facebook just to show everyone how much of a fucktard you really are...please u just look like a little midget jiggaboo on helium...do allow some capasity for a brain to grow in that full of shit skull that u got there...i just wished that some one was acctually there to see u develope some...probably of all d alcohol consumption u fucked it up yourself...u think u so cool just cuz u down 2345665665312 bottles of beer? i drink alcohol LESS often then you n yet when where at a party u cant hold your alcohol longer than 5 min of consuming it...thats now how u drink alcohol bitch...u suppose to be able to hold it...then call yourself a winner...gosh u never grow up...i hated u i always did, n i dont liked you...i never did...money can only buy you so many friends...and friends can only get you so far...1day youre gonna end up broke n lonely...then u wished you acctually did something that would save you...but till then i'll just watch you burn out...

"fire will always burn itself out, always"

now run along home to mommy...if im youre mommy i'd bitch slap you long ago n ask you to freaking grow a pair since you love it so much...im done with this bullshit

empire state of mine
hugs n kisses <33

in the shady side of youth

overwhelmed all this hectic-ness is finally starting to take a toll on me...early mornings...everyday...no saturday/sundays sleep in for me...n late nights everynite cuz thats the only time i spend with the 1 person who i feel even cares at all for me...im gonna be 20 soon...many people say that i got my whole life laid out infront of me...but i think...really? is having a totaly uncertain future all that nice...well i atleast would like even if its just a little sad pitiful bit of hope...

i feel like a seed in a shady garden with fully grown trees sourrounding me... a seed produce by science using nature...2 completely diffrent world...i grow into a little plant with few leaves...nurtured by a kind lady..a lady called mom...she gave me water...but water alone wont keep me alive so my leaves start to turn brown...once in a while someone will come with an artificial light...n then they would leave and so will my source of light...then only recently came a guy n he notice something...that what im missing is sunlight...so he brought me out under the sun...took care of me...if there were even the slightest sign of weed he'll remove it...he loved me...so my bark became strong,my leaves become greener, but most of all my roots started to grow...but now rainy clouds threaten to blot out the sun...and the only way for me to live would be to cruely uproot me and send me to a different garden...